No news is bad news!

Bugger-all happened for me today.

I *did* get up and shave at dawn.

I *did* suit & boot and try to look my most business fabulous.

I *did* go to the temp agency to inquire & pester.

My temp-tress (Rebecca) was not even there today and the receptionist seemed unimpressed by my enthusiam & determination. She said that she would make sure that I was marked as 'available & ready to work' and that my references were checked. However, I am not altogether convinced she did anything at all after spinning on her heels and trotting off in the other direction.

I am NOT amused!



This is the face of a bunny on the edge !!!

I am determined to succeed, damn it ...

I am making a list of temp agencies to visit while out & about tomorrow. I'll go from one to the other until I can make something happen.

Richard

I'M NOT NAUGHTY ... I'M JUST DRAWN THAT WAY!

My weekend was refreshingly & surprisingly worry-free! Well, almost ... I was SO knackered after my last day at college on Friday. My plan was to come home, zone out and go to bed early. And that is precisely what I did ... short of a few details that my public does not need to know about ... I can amuse myself ... once, twice, three times a bunny !!!

My last day of uni! No one noticed. Very anti-climactic ... just like when I got my BA in the States. I am not officially ''finished'' at London College until 05 April 2005 but I have six weeks of holiday time that I must take (during which I am allowed to work full-time!). I suppose I'll have a party once it is all officially over and I have my certificates in my hands. They are very important for applying for my next visa!

Saturday was spent doing laundry and preparing for my date with Rick (the cute one I met on OUT in the UK and in person whilst in Brighton last weekend). I decided not to shave or put any product in my hair. I just felt like being comfortable, clean and *me* for the day.

I did get a call from Ben Nummy Bum in the afternoon. He's also on OUT in the UK and we'd met at the OUT IN LONDON thingie at Bar Aquda last Tuesday. Ben certainly fills his trousers out well from every angle and all the boys seem to notice! He and I might have coffee this week. Sexy guy. Surprised a bit he's interested in me. Not to be too hard on myself but I'm surprised ANYONE is interested in me right now ... because of all my problems. I am sweet and emotionally sorted but my life is a mess and I'm broke & homeless! What *are* these boys thinking?

At 1900, I dashed out to meet Rick at the tube station. We dropped his stuff off here, bought some wine and went to dinner at the lovely Buddhist vegetarian PEKING PALACE, which I can't recommend highly enough. We returned to the flat, drank two bottles of wine, listened to music and talked. Rick and I have so much in common! I really didn't know ... especially in regards to music. We went to bed drunk & late so not much happened. We made up for that on Sunday morning and afternoon ...



Rick is an über-smoochie! I look forward to seeing him again. I think it's fine that he's in Brighton and I'm here for now. My life is generally too fucked to date anyone TOO seriously right now anyway.

Tomorrow, I am up at 05:45 (yes, really!) to shave/suit/boot and get out to the temp agency. If they don't have a job for me by 10:00 then I'll go out to look for more work and register with other agencies. I plan to get an 'A' for effort no matter how challenging things get!

Richard

SO I'M A BIT NEAT, TIDY & DEMANDING BUT ...

ENOUGH! I have to say this ...

I don't mean to whinge or, gawdforbid, rock the boat with Stephen but at least allow me to let it all out here in my blog!

How does one phrase this politely?

Stephen (most recent ex & fierce ruling landlady) is messy in the highest calibre. We're talking full-on fratboy, crumbs on the sofa, mould, newspapers in heaps, counter crud of mysterious & varying origins, spilt milk, last week's washing up untidy!

I am having a guest over tonight and, sticking to my guns, I am NOT cleaning all this up. I cleaned off the coffee table (body hair, tea stains, footprints, jam, 'etcetera'). That's it! I did briefly entertain the thought of cleaning one bit of counter space for myself (as it is ALL soiled from his entertaining and his daily cheese sandwich crumb-fest) but I decided I against it. It's just not fair to me. Am I wrong?

I would clean up out of gratitude to him for allowing me to stay here (and I do/have) but I will NOT clean up after his dinner parties and/or romantic dinners with his new 'boyfriend'. That is where I draw the line. In my mind, it is a clear and fair distinction.

Thus, the sink-full and stacks of dishes, crud, crumbs and such remain here from LAST WEEKEND [when I was away]. That is seven days ago and counting. I did let the water out of the sink as it was starting to smell and I do take out the rubbish.

Please note, I *am* washing my own dishes ... every single spoon. It's a point of pride. I've even washed some of his things (every fork was dirty).

I suppose I am judging. I just can't relate to it ... this ability to create such a heaving, smelly mess and just walk away!

[*sigh*]

Where's my Fukitol ?!?



Did I mention that Stephen now buys meat, puts it in the fridge but, mysteriously, never seems to actually eat it? It just goes off and stinks up the fridge!

If I were more paranoid ...

Richard the Big Bunny

[PS - To be fair, Stephen does A LOT of laundry and cleans the bathroom well (for special occasions anyway). I do hope that, if he reads this, he realises it's all meant a bit tongue-in-cheek!]

FEELIN' IRIE! Cha bedda come down wid it ...

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life ... I'm gonna be okay!

I am feeling much better, HOPE HAS RETURNED and even my sex drive is percolating ...

It's bunny mating season! HURRAH!

Richard

GOOD NEWS!

Good news!

OFFICE ANGELS have agreed to take me on ...

It's something!

Better than nothing certainly.

Actually, my interviewer ran back into the office where I was sat and announced:

''Wow! You did really well on the assessments!''

Apparently, I can spell (perfectly), type 60 WPM (I had skipped lunch) and use Microsoft Word better than most ... but that won't really win me the Nobel Prize, will it?

8-)

I have not been assigned an actual job yet so I'll believe it when I get my first pay packet.

[*wiggle*]

Richard

One American study threatens vegetarian parents & children ...

Vegetarian diet 'harms children's growth' [Independent - UK]

http://news.independent.co.uk/uk/health_medical/story.jsp?story=613504

Macca is a staunch veggie! [Webindia123 - India]

http://www.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=68442&cat=Entertainment

And how many world class athletes & genuises are vegetarian?

Quite a few, dearies ...

One study is not conclusive of anything but this will get loads of press (it's already all over the world media!), the American meat-monger right wing will run with it and vegetarian parents will have their kids taken away by the American courts to be force-fed meat.

ONCE AGAIN: A CORPSE DOES NOT BALANCE YOUR DIET!

And a study on starving African vegetarians with a very limited, non-varying diet does not prove anything outside of the realm of starving African vegetarians with limited, non-varying diets . . .

Richard

FOR THE RECORD ...

This blog is NOT here to elicit sympathy or pity.

That is not what I want or need.

I want & need a job.

I want & need a place to live.

I want & need to remain in the UK with as few complications as possible.

Is that okay?

This blog reflects my life. My life is rather shit right now so if the postings here are about 80% negative then that's probably spot on! I don't like that but I am not really in a place where I can worry about appearances, PR or 'spin control' to make things seem better than they are.

Your kind words, suggestions and ideas for creative solutions are appreciated but do NOT criticise me for whinging, especially when I aim to confine most of it here to this blog.

Yes, I would accept some help ... an intervention ... even a pre-packaged solution ... because I am overwhelmed.

May your own life never be this fractured and overwhelming.

Thank you for listening. Fuck you for criticising.

Richard

WEEKEND ON TOUR: Making the most of being exiled!

[MONDAY, 1900]

Well, I'm back at the flat (Stephen's). I arrived around 1500 today to find it a smelly mess ... but that's no surprise. Suffice to say, I'm not cleaning it. I do my share but ... well, let's just leave it! The topic and the mess ...

What a weekend! I did have some fun but it was a bit stressful bumping from place to place while worrying all along about having nowhere to sleep Sunday night. Alas, it all sorted itself out in the end.

- FRIDAY -

Met DJ Bryan in the early evening and got checked into the swank Hilton Olympia (he lucked up online). His gig DJ-ing at BROMPTONS went well and I had a rather good time. Mr Big did show up and impressed me to no end with his big boo eyes, smooching and empathetic banter. All looked promising ...

- SATURDAY -

After about all of four hours of sleep, Bryan & I had to get up and check out. The train service to Brighton was partially disrupted and was replaced with a bus service ... so we took a bus (National Express) the whole way instead. Not sure we saved any money and it was MUCH slower than Megabus. We checked into our 'gay bed & breakfast', The Amsterdam, in Brighton (again, Bryan's online booking) which turned out to also be a local sauna (a general 'ewww' in my book) and bar. I was not impressed but the staff were nice.

REVENGE, the big gay club in Brighton, was fab! We got there very early and I was quickly bored, tired and increasingly bitchy. As people streamed in, I thought of just going back to the hotel. But then Mr Big appeared again! He did show up after all, with a mate in tow. Groovy, I thought ... for about all of 60 seconds, after which his conversation turned to "Look, I just don't think we blah-blar-blah-blar-blah ..."

I just glazed over ... I don't even know what else he said ... feeling disappointed but instantly a bit silly, too. Still, it was good to be reminded that I do NOT have any emotional energy left to even care and that I do NOT need to be dating anyone right now. Suffice to say, this did not enhance my evening.

One last hope ... a new online mate in Brighton from OUT In The UK (Rich) said he might make it out to Revenge. I texted him and begged him, more or less, to be the saviour of my evening. And he did. He even fancies me ... a great deal, apparently!



All went very well from that point forward (except I did think it best to turn down his offer to take me home with him). Still, it's nice to be reminded that one is still a sexy bunny!

8-)

- SUNDAY -

Bryan & I took a walk on the Brighton pier, read the Observer and nearly missed our bus! But, alas, we made it. I began texting everyone I could think of about ideas or offers of where to sleep Sunday night. Stress & exhaustion took over on the bus: As Bryan slept peacefully, I was going into full panic mode. I eventually gave up and texted Stephen to see if it was okay for me to come back to the flat. He said it was okay but it would have to be after midnight. He politely offered that I could drop my bags off. Ta. So I did ...

I was SO knackered ... but I decided since I must go out & about again, I might as well look my best. I changed my clothes and gelled my flopped, sad hair. I took myself to FIRST OUT (the gay & lesbian vegetarian café/bar) and enjoyed a bit of their gorgeous nachos (the only good nachos I can find in London!). Another OUTer I know (Alan the thin & gorgeous) walked in and I bumped him and said hello. I sort of fancied him a bit ages ago but never got any read off him at all if he fancied me in return. He had to get back downstairs to eat with his mate and mentioned that they'd be going to the ADMIRAL DUNCAN for a drink later on. I said I might drop in (not really thinking I would).

After I'd finished my nachos, I went for a coffee at Café Nero on Old Compton Street and watched the gay world go by. Tiring of sitting in the window looking like, errrm, 'that bunny in the window', I took a walk around Soho, through several bars (never stopping for an actual cocktail!) and into PROWLER for greeting cards.

Bored and alone, I decided to pop into the ADMIRAL DUNCAN after all. Sure enough, Alan & his mate Steve were there. I joined them for conversation and a bottle of water (I was still bloated from my nachos). Hours passed and I eventually had a double vodka tonic. Steve seemed amused by my sense of humour but has a live-in boyfriend. He was staying at Alan's to avoid his mother-in-law for the weekend. As the bar closed, they invited me back to Alan's and said I could sleep in the guest room if I got too tired to come back here to the flat. So I did! They paid for a cab and we nipped quickly back to Alan's flat in one of the more posh parts of Docklands. I had a great time there and relaxed. Naughty/cheeky Steve was smoking hash-laced ciggies and trying to 'encourage' mine & Alan's potential romance, all the time being rather flirtatious (read: "high") himself.

Alas, I went to bed alone in the spare room after a bit of final flirting and further attempts by Steve to play matchmaker.

Thankfully, the good & kind Alan trusted me to sleep in late in his flat. He left me a note and a key to lock up. Thus, I have to see Alan again. I am rather pleased about that.

Now, back to reality! Tuesday will be spent catching up here and researching the 'agency' angle of employment. Wednesday will see me whoring myself about with various temp agencies. Wish me luck!

Richard the Big Bunny

Away till Monday 21 February ... no updates likely!

[FRIDAY - 16:00]

Well, I'm off for now till Monday ... the weekend away / ''in exile''.

Friday night, I will be at Brompton's in Earls Court (London).

Saturday night, I'll be with DJ Bryan at Revenge in Brighton (via Megabus!).

Maybe I'll see some of you there!

Still no update on where I'll be sleeping on Sunday night ...

Ring me if you have any ideas or just want to chat: 07906 619 660.

Cheers!

Richard the Roving Rabbit

No wait! It gets worse ...

BLOODY BUGGERY BOLLOCKS !!!

I do realise that soon everyone will think I am making all this up.

Bad news at the job interview at Pret á Manger headquarters. They won't hire anyone who has less than six months left on their (current) visa! I have four and a half months remaining. And it does not matter if I am getting another visa ...

Even worse, any larger corporation is likely to have a similar rule !!!

The great irony is that Pret á Manger accepts applications and hires many people for three months! It's even an option on the application. Tick the right box and you can work for three months and leave with no hard feelings. That is, unless you're me.

And I was really hoping to have some good news because I do not want this blog to be one endless whinge. My apologies to my readers & friends!

Now, let's see if I can still forget my worries and have some fun tonight ...

Richard

Must be out of the flat this Friday, Saturday & Sunday ... but have nowhere to sleep Sunday night!

[THURSDAY, after midnight]

Stephen's sister Karen is visiting this weekend so I agreed to be out of the flat and give her my room ... ooops, pardon me ... ''the guest room''. I'll get a smack for that! It is not my room.

Karen is only here Friday & Saturday night but Stephen & Anthony (the guy Stephen has been 'dating' since breaking it off with me) will still be here on Sunday night. [Note: I honestly don't dislike Anthony but I am not running the risk of being upset again by the endless overzealous porno squeals from the next room. I just say NO. Too much, too soon.]

Thus, I need to be gone Sunday night as well.

Problem is, I can't find a place to go!

Androo is out of town. One lovely chap on OUT in the UK offered me a space on his floor (and I think he's being genuine and non-seedy about it) if I need it, which is nice.

Still, I hope to come up with a more comfortable solution for the one night before then.

All offers considered!

Richard on the Move

''Mr Big'' made me smile!

[THURSDAY, after midnight]

Someone on OUT in the UK is making me smile again. Cute, kind, clever and 6'5" (!) ... and I get to meet him tomorrow night at BROMPTON'S!

*swooooon*

This will be my first time at Brompton's (Earls Court). Not sure what I'm in for ...

I am 'on tour' this weekend with my client, American DJ Bryan Craft.

On Saturday night, DJ Bryan is spinning on the main floor at REVENGE in Brighton and I'll be with him there as well.

At least Hasi Music has ONE client earning money ...

:-)

Money and ''Mr Big'' ... I might forget my worries for a moment!

Richard the Big Bunny
http://www.hasimusic.com/

WHINGE ALERT: Here she blows ...

Right. Just let me have a go ...

First, let me share the good news. I had a preliminary interview today with Pret á Manger (a UK gourmet café/coffee/eatery chain). It's something ... and I can't really be choosy. I have the secondary/main interview tomorrow at their head office (to run a till! I kid you not). Thanks to Geordie Neil for this because it's the first opportunity I've had to earn any real money! At least the interviewer today mentioned me moving up to corporate rather quickly. I bloody hope so. I cannot imagine doing the café bit for long, to be honest.

Right ... onto all the bad news. Where to begin ?!? Here's a list all my current problems, none of which are 'minor', unfortunately!

(1) I have no money. Nothing more to say really. And I'm not exaggerating ... just a bit of overdraft limit left and about £300 on a credit card.

(2) I am homeless. Well, soon. Stephen wants me out of the flat in two weeks (''the first weekend in March''). No, I don't have any bloody idea what to do or where to go. I really do NOT have an answer yet. You try finding free accommodation in London! No, I do not have a friend with the space or who can afford to put me up for a couple of months ...

(3) I am having incredible difficulty finding a job ... and I've lowered my expectations (see the good news!).

(4) My college course suddenly ended with ONE day's notice! Seems I have seven weeks of holiday time left that I *must* take. No, I'm not done with my coursework and this is all very fucked up. I am not even sure I'm done with my internal exams. Never mind that, if I want to get another student visa, I must take at least one proper outside exam (certification). In my case, I *must* do the FOUNDATIONS exam (an IT thingie) and that costs around £80! And there is no guarantee I would pass. Right now, I can assure you that I would not. So I can look forward to studying as well ... on my own time ... ewwww! Keep in mind I already have one and a half proper BAs from America ... and £20,000+ (almost $40,000 US) college loan debt to show for it!

(5) Given my homelessness, I am not sure what to do with all my personal possessions! I own a bit less than 2000 CDs, among other things. Everything I own is here with me in England. I didn't leave anything in America. I did ask Lindsay ('the nice ex', my boyfriend before Stephen) if I could put most of my things in his loft, as it's the one place I'd feel comfortable that they would be safe ... but his house is in BERKSHIRE! How I'd get it all there is an additional worry.

(6) Gay drama. As much as I hate to admit it, Stephen & I are having problems just getting along in the flat (not that I have any right to be here, I admit). He rather naively thought I'd moved on as instantaneously as he did (four day gap between men). Boy, was he wrong! Believe me, I want to ... but the sound of him and his instant boyfriend fucking LOUDLY was more than I could handle, even a month on. Insensitive? Apparently not in Stephen's eyes. It broke my heart all over again and sent me right over the edge (something I didn't think would ever happen again). Suffice to say that I reacted by running around Archway in my pajamas in the rain SOBBING and frightening all the locals ... followed by confronting him about it. He reacted stone coldly, refused to discuss it and then told me to be out the first weekend in March. Apparently, it's my fault for ever having loved him and being disturbed by it. Maybe it is. Still doesn't make him any less of an insensitive bastard, does it? Days later he seems to finally (and only just now) realise that I actually loved him. I guess for him our relationship was some sort of prolonged sexual learning opportunity. I just want to sort out the drama. I most certainly do NOT want him back (perish the bleedin' thought!). He's committed to talking to me now (finally) when we both have time next week ... for which I am very grateful. I sobbed from the relief of that! I don't want gay drama and I don't want to hate Stephen. I want us to understand each other. I want him to develop an adult, realistic perspective on relationships and a more evolved emotional intelligence (no insult intended).

(7) My visa expires on 30 June 2005. This gets a separate listing from the college troubles because it's a whole different ball of wax! Mind you, if I don't sort out all the things in #4 then I am not likely to get ANY sort of visa ... even if I got married or finally got a proper job with a work visa. I found out today even getting married must be done 90 days before your visa ends. In other words, I need find the right lesbian to marry before the end of March! I am teasing ... but I would do it if I had the right lesbian friend!

So those are my problems. The big seven! Comments?

I am convinced all the gods hate me. ''When it rains it pours.'' That sort of bollocks just doesn't make me feel any better. This is all VERY fucked-up! 'This' being my life ...

And just to take away my last pleasure in life, my beloved OUT in the UK is set to change its name to 'UP & DOING' (gawd, I wish I was kidding!) and is morphing into something more 'mainstream' (because clearly it's wrong/embarrassing/off-putting to be gay and 'out'). There seems to be quite a furore amongst the members about it (mostly about the incredibly stupid name change) but the owner of the site is not hearing any of it. Embarrassingly, thousands of pounds were spent to come up with THAT name! Marketing research was done and a proper consulting firm was hired. Words fail me. I am aghast and disappointed. It will backfire. I have absolutely NO doubt.

My London dream lies in ruin at my feet ...

Richard

NO WATER! NO BATH! NO TOILET!

[WEDNESDAY MORNING]

Oh dear GAWD ...

We have no water again. All day. 0900-1800 ... seriously!

That's my day fucked.

Thames Water is doing scheduled work ... but we missed the notice this time!

8-(

Funky Bunny 'ere still as to go to the post office later though with all my eBay sold items to mail out.

BAH!

[*scary bit of bunny grumbling*]

Richard the Dirty Bunny

Friends ... and friends of friends!

[Tuesday but posting after midnight]

Dinner at Colin's was lovely ...

I cooked it, mind you: Quorn mock-chicken fajitas with all the 'fixins' ... and a significant amount of rosé was consumed!

We watched Bananarama videos & live performances that I got on DVD from my mate in Australia (eight DVDs!) ... and glorious camp fun was had by all.

Colin is a real sweetie! I'm glad Androo introduced us.

I needed that break from my troubles.

Richard the Big Bunny

Introducing: Richard of London (BIG BUNNY)

Oi'there!

My name is Richard (though everyone knows me as 'Big Bunny') and I live in London, England.

Yes, I'm originally from the 13th Colony (Atlanta, Georgia) but London is home.

I'm a festive & clever bunny of a guy who's currently rather occupied by 'life challenges'. Times are hard and I am desperately seeking both a non-miserable job and free lodging (the cheek!) till I earn some money.

My life is rather complicated at present but I try to stay joyful and I always make time for my friends (whether they're for a reason, a season or a lifetime).

The only way is up!

More to come.

Richard