[BIG BUNNY LOVES BOO BEAN - Love never dies]
Whilst plundering through my Gmail online at work this week, I found a message from Ray that I had never seen, never received, that had never downloaded to my Mac.
It was a photo, taken with the camera on his mobile phone, telling me he loved me in ASL ...
Ray would sometimes sign that to me after getting out of the car at work. It was one of our things.
Given the slightly 'secret' nature of our relationship (at least locally in Akron), Ray & I developed many ways of saying 'I love you' to each other. If we were not alone when ending a telephone conversation, we would say "take-care-o" (trailing off on the 'o'). This covert expression of love came from my misunderstanding him saying 'te quiero' a few times -- only to have me respond "you take care, too!"
Ray & I told each other "I love you" often and were both increasingly aware of how each time might be the last time.
If our love was ever a secret, I guess the secret is well & truly out by now.
I don't think Ray would mind me sharing this audio of his voice from October 2007 -- an example of the silly but lovely messages he would leave on my voicemail.
Words can't express how happy I am to have that recording -- or convey the contrasting joy & sadness I feel when it randomly plays on the iPod.
I cherish each little reminder I have of how much he loved me ...
In return, my love for Ray grew to be boundless. The intense amount of time we spent together in his last three months is the most cherished of my entire life. We had achieved a bit of a 'yin/yang', for lack of a better phrase -- and after his coma in December, no moment was taken for granted.
What Ray & I had together was good. It was love -- pure & simple. We chose each other and, while swimming upstream through illness & stresses external to our relationship, we held on to each other.
Life can be cruel & unkind but I have no regrets about coming to Ohio to be with Ray. I know what it means to be wanted, needed, appreciated and truly loved because of Ray Boggs.
No matter where I go in this world, Ray is with me always. Nothing or no one can ever diminish what we shared or take it away. He is a central part of my mind's landscape and I carry his love & kindness in my heart.
I miss you, Ray. I celebrate your life each & every day. And I love you ... whole bunches!
x/RICHARD
==
==
