GONE A BIT BEARDY

[ATLANTA - Morning. Almost no sleep. Taking a nap soon!]

UPDATED FRIDAY - 17 JUNE 2006:
NOW WITH PHOTOS!

Well, I've grown a beard ... and it's a hit!



Almost like an episode from the Twilight Zone, I seemed to have the attention of most everyone at the bar (Oscar's and later Burkhart's) last night ... but, unfortunately, most of the bar was smoking! Ick.

I got three telephone numbers, made a date to see a film, somehow wandered into karaoke at Burkhart's & sang HEY JEALOUSY without much delay. I got dollar bills tucked in various places while singing ... not to mention the four quarters I was handed (I am NOT kidding!). I was more or less a naughty bunny after that.

:-o

Weird night.

I wasn't even flirting. I was genuinely happy sitting with my martinis at the end of the bar and watching the music videos ... but the attention seemed to flow towards me somehow!

Still, it is nice to know I still have *it*.

:-)

Or maybe the stars were aligned just so ... I am well overdue some good fortune!

And to think I *almost* didn't go back out after my short coffee date ...

x/RICHARD

Coiffure.

[ATLANTA - Cut my dreads.]

Chop off the old ... release the trapped negative energy ... break with the past ...



Okay, so I just got a haircut!



It'll do.

:-)

My date cancelled ... he's ill ... but I'm going out anyway!

I don't need a date ...

[*struts*]

Movin' on,
Richard the Big Bunny

100th_POST!

[Atlanta - Today really *is* the first day of the rest of my life!]

The time has come to move on ... to catch up ... to focus on the good stuff ... to have a bit more self-respect ... to get my ducks in a row for a return to England ... and to focus on making tomorrow better ... better for *ME*.



Recently, I have been going out with friends from work and having a grand time (not a 'gay old time', Friday night aside, but a good time all the same!).

Laura, Judy, Jerry, Josh, Wes and the rest of the gang are providing me with good times and ample distraction and I'm very grateful. I feel particularly lucky to have Courtenay & Stacy in my life ... who listen to me and provide honest feedback without judgment.



Dancing out at MJQ and late-night nibbles after work ... they have even dragged me to The Clermont Lounge ('where strippers go to die'!). See all the photos by clicking here.

I am trying to reconnect with friends who have been neglected, too.



My good mate Chris ('Hedgie') & his partner Cliff picked me up for dinner. That was a nice distraction!

I have even made some new local Atlanta friends on My Space.

Last Friday night, I went out with my mate Jamie (who I've known for ages and is one of the smartest, most aware Americans I know). We went to Oscar's (video bar). The 'scene' was all very mediocre but I did enjoy our conversation. We popped over to Burkhart's for a minute and even drove to Blake's. It was dead & ugly all round!

The most peculiar thing happened ...

When we went BACK to Oscar's (where I'd been drinking all evening before we stepped out to peruse our options), the doorman was gone so we had to 'ID' at the bar directly with the bartender. He refused to accept my bloody American passport as sufficient ID.

Yes, really!

No wait, it gets better ...

After walking back over to Jamie, the bartender then bellowed out, "YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!"

[*cue me looking stunned & horrified*]

It was like being under-21 again.

Ain't that America ?!?

A bloody passport isn't good enough to get a drink here.



I mean, I am hardly 'foreign-looking' and my passport certainly looks (and is!) real. You'd think I was mistaken for a 15 year-old Mexican girl or something.

I do not have a State Driver's License (it expired just after I moved to England in 2003) so I carry my passport with me instead.

Yes, I could get one ... but, for all intents and purposes, I am 'just visiting' here ... much like you would be. I have a temporary job and a temporary place to live while I'm here. I do not have a car. All of my possessions are in London and I have a London address. It is not denial or wishful thinking for me to say, "Technically, I live in London."

If you visit America, good luck getting a drink! If I can't do it well-dressed and with Federal identification then no one else stands a chance ...

Maybe it's my peculiar 'international' accent getting me into trouble ...

Does it make me seem suspicious to Americans?

Richard the Big Bunny

Married !?!

[Sunday - Just waking up!]

On MySpace, one can subscribe to other people's blogs.

I had forgotten that I had subscribed to Jim's ...

I woke up to this ...

I have met the most wonderful guy in the world.. His name is John. We are getting married on July 29. I am so looking forward to spending ym life with him. He brings out the best in me and is everything I have been searching for. we have so much fun together, whether its going out dancing or stayiongin and watching a movie. John I love you.

This is a level of stupidity and immaturity that I cannot even comprehend.

Such naïveté will only bring heartache.

Jim was the person I loved the most in this world up until a week ago. We broke up a month a ago (and that's on *his* version of the timeline).

Keep in mind that Jim is almost *43* and has three kids to consider. He met John, who is 24, a month ago in a local shop.

I am not sure who to feel more sorry for at this point ... Jim or John.

The mind boggles ...

The title of this entry on his blog is titled "MY PARTNER".

Your what? Who?

Richard

==

ADDENDUM I - After having time (12 hours at work!) to mentally process this 'announcement', I have come to see it as a blessing and end point ... and I am moving on. Jim is NOT my problem any longer and is NOT someone who deserves my attention. I am embarrassed that I could have loved someone so clueless about genuine love & commitment ... someone who could say and do such foolish things with a new 'boyfriend'. Convenience, youth, simplicity and opportunity does not make John "the one". The most hurtful angle of all this is that his frantically rushed relationship & desperate 'engagement' to this kid makes a mockery of *our* relationship. Jim never deserved me and he still does not deserve a person of my calibre. I do sincerely hope Jim finds real love but first he must learn to recognise it, develop the patience to wait for it and find the strength of character to stay around & work at it.

ADDENDUM II - Someone who knows Jim and the details of our situation offered me some wise words. The following is a snippet of that helpful message. - As complicated as things are with Jim's life, it really is just quite this simple: You are a casualty of *his* chaos. He has pretty much lived a double life since he married the mother of his children. He has always done everything he could to hide the truth, no matter what it is, in an effort to be accepted and liked by the people around him. The truth always catches up to the masquerade and then EVERYONE gets hurt all at once. This pattern is difficult for him to break. Deep down inside you and I and everyone else know that Jim is a good person, but he's got your heart all ensnared in the tangled web he has woven. Whatever lessons he needs to learn about being honest with himself and others, he'll eventually learn. And I think the lesson you have probably learned here is to listen to you "inner voice". You know, the one that kept telling you something wasn't right and that you suspected lies and deception.

HEARTBREAKUP

[Atlanta - A week of sobbing]

Jim & I are getting together for lunch on Monday.

WHY !?! ... I hear you ask.

At my request, Jim is going to break up with me ... in person ... clearly.

Allow me to explain.

You see, Jim & I never actually broke up ... oh, we spoke ON THE PHONE once at the beginning of May about the possibility of "moving things to the friendship level" due to my return to England ... but I didn't react well and I begged him to wait at least until I'd applied for my UK visa. I thought we would speak about it more in person.

Only that never happened ...

Jim just vanished from my life!

I've not seen him since then. Short phone calls, far fewer text messages and an uneasy quiet ...

And to add insult to injury, I actually agreed to give him a bit of space so he could have 'Me Time'.

As I know now (thanks to my being contacted by two 'acquaintances' of Jim's on Tuesday), his 'Me Time' was spent first out & about living it up a bit and then off with his new boyfriend, a 24-year-old kid he met working in a local tat shop. They have spent every free minute together. They had a weekend away together in the mountains. Jim picks him up from work almost daily in his new sportscar. And those are just the details I know about ...

Cut back to me ... still thinking I am Jim's boyfriend ... now distraught that my return to England has been cancelled/delayed and my visa cannot be applied for any time soon.

So ... Jim wanted to break up because I might return to England soon ... only that isn't going to happen. He couldn't wait till I at least *applied* for a visa or had some sort of idea what our future options might be.

And then, after weeks of all but complete silence, I learn (from complete strangers ... keep that in mind!) that he has a new boyfriend half his age ... and a nasty (but curable?) 'bug' that will plague his life for some time.

This, dear readers, is why I spent all week sobbing!

I could not sleep at all Thursday night and then cried from 6 AM till 8 AM. I didn't know I had it in me to cry for that long a time.

Jim left *me* behind ... after all that talk & worry about me leaving him behind.

He did so in the most callous & cowardly way ... with lies & distance.

I am angry. I feel abandoned. I feel cheated out of a lot of things.

His new boyfriend will have Jim's post-school-year Summer of free time that *I* was looking forward to and promised.

Lisa, Jim's ex-wife, finally moved out of the house. I never got to go to Jim's house. His new boyfriend has been over several times ... *and* met all of Jim's kids.

And James ... Jim's oldest child (16) and the only one I've met. James is a sweet, caring and intelligent young man. I began to sob on the phone again once this week about saying goodbye to James. I cannot be sure why but I guess I had envisioned my future with Jim and as a step-parent to James. I asked Jim if I could write a goodbye letter to James and he said it would be okay.

The only nice thing I can say about Jim at this point is that he has been trying to appear as if he is taking it like a man since being caught out in a web of his own lies. He's admitted to everything, apologised and continues to talk to me whenever I feel the need.

Jim says the lies & deception were to spare my feelings. There may be a bit of truth to that (in Jim's mind, at least) but it was mostly about him being unable to deal with actually dumping me ... because THAT would make HIM uncomfortable.

The coward's way out certainly blew up in his face! He agrees.

Jim replaced me. Quickly. I guess that speaks obvious volumes about how much he really loved me. How else could I feel now?

He just couldn't be single for a moment and 'swung' to the next boyfriend. This, I feel, is a chronic problem in his life. He cannot be single or alone for even a month ... and even seems to overlap relationships to avoid loneliness (Michael ... then me ... then John, his new 'boy'). If it's not the truth, it is certainly damning circumstantial evidence.

Maybe if he'd taken time out, he might have found a bit of clarity and we would have known that my leaving for England soon was NOT going to happen.

We will never know now.

I loved that man more than many of you realised ... apparently, more than he realised. Jim was all I needed. He brought comfort, contentment and stability to my life when I first began this 'exile in America' and what grew out of that was beautiful. I was satisfied. I never cheated. I was happy with him and I meant every word on the day I told him that I would like to grow old with him.

He was everything I ever wanted in a man ... or so I believed.

The cloud of my possible departure loomed too greatly over Jim, I guess. Despite his mistakes and untruths, 'England' weighed heavily on him and he has cried a couple of times about my leaving in the past.

If he'd just waited another two weeks ... but he gave up on us too soon.

And I've been replaced. I am bothered. I am jealous. I am so very saddened.

I am not in a place yet where I can say life goes on or it wasn't meant to be ...

Our love has died ... and the pain I feel overwhelms me up to this minute.

Jim might have eventually lost me to England anyway ... but now he's lost my respect & trust, too.

Forgiveness will be a long, hard road ... but I won't let this negatively affect who I am. I will continue to be a happy, loving person ... only wiser and far less trusting!

It seems Jim NEVER stops looking ... even when he's happy in a relationship. How much is enough? Will it ever stop? If he never focuses on ONE person at a time, how will he ever find happiness with a partner?

I do wonder if the new kid knows what he's in for ...

Richard

NOTHING BUT BAD NEWS!

[ATLANTA - Just another day in exile.]

My return to England has been postponed. I could not be more upset.

No, wait. Yes, I could ...

On top of that bad news, Jim just recently suggested that "we should moved things to the friendship level" (mostly because of the threat of my imminent return to England ... oh, the irony!).

Kicking me while I'm down?

It gets worse!

Today, two people who have known & dated Jim contacted me (yes, they came to me) with details & questions about our past nine months together and all hell broke loose (a nice Southern phrase there!).

Jim has lied to me and the others but he claims it was to spare my feelings and avoid hurting the others.



After what I've learned today, I have to question if Jim even knows where the truth ends and the lies begin ...

I am too bewildered thus far to even feel the hurt.

And he's already dating someone else ... at least the one I know about.

Despite the improbability, I hope that Chris, Chris, Barry, Marty, Darren, the guys in Chicago, Michael and anyone else who thinks Jim is their boyfriend reads this.

There is so much more that I cannot say ...

Suffice to say, I've been very stupid and you've been warned.

I wanted so much to end on good terms and believe that Jim is a good guy.

[*larf*]

Jim Altman is a man without honour and has disappointed me like no other person I have ever loved.

Regardless, I'm alone again and I'm not headed for England any time soon.

Everything I have been living for is gone.

What now?

Answers on a postcard ...

Unhappy & alone in exile,
Richard the Big Bunny



==

"What a fool ... that I should ever believe in love, truth & honesty ... all the time, you just keep on hurting me." - Bananarama, 1988

==

YOU_SPIN_ME_ROUND

[Celebs Who Matter News]

The autobiography of tough-&-tumble transmorph Pete Burns is out soon!

No, Sir ... I don't like the cover photo ...

His makeup is harsh & unflattering (think Jackie Stallone).

If he's gonna look like crap on the cover of his own book, it might as well be honest & funny ... so I made my own cover.



Says it all, I think!

:-)

Note: This is funnier if you've been watching CELEBRITY BIG BROTHER ...



We are amused!

[*royal wave*]

In the cat-house with my bitches,
Richard the Big Bunny

UNLIMITED FREE BEER !!!

[Atlanta - 18 February 2006]

The Sweetwater Brewery hosted a party yesterday for the companies & employees that sell their beer.



Fox Theatre employees had the privilege of unlimited free beer! The other folks there were limited to four beers.



In addition to a tour of the brewery, we all tasted each of the brews (year-round and seasonal).



I prefer the Sweetwater Blue ...



It's fair to say that a spectacular time was had by all ...



The venue there at the brewery is fabulous! I'd go there again just to hang out and drink beer.

Most of my photos came out great! I look forward to seeing the others' snaps ...



The festivities continued at Las Margaritas, where some folks ate while others continued to drink. I settled for iced tea and chips & guacamole.



Click here to see all the photos or watch the slideshow !!!



You can also download any of the 25 photos (in various sizes) here.

Enjoy the madness!

Richard the Big Bunny

For me, it's just BUNNY DAY.

[ATLANTA - Oestre 2006]

Jesus schmeezus ... it's Easter Sunday!

One does wonder how few people are aware of the origins of Easter's traditions & symbolism.

Easter embodies many pre-Christian traditions. The name is a derivation of Oestre, the Anglo-Saxon name of a Teutonic goddess of spring and fertility, to whom was dedicated a month corresponding to April. Her festival was celebrated on the day of the vernal equinox.



Traditions associated with the festival survive in the Easter rabbit (a symbol of fertility) and in coloured easter eggs (originally painted with bright colours to represent the sunlight of spring).

Christianity did not destroy paganism ... it adopted pagan traditions & symbolism.

HAPPY BUNNY DAY !!!

Take a moment to remember those bunnies less fortunate ... particularly Mr Chunky Buns here ...



Here's to a fruitful harvest!

Yours with bunnyfeets,
Richard

SLANDER! Easter Bunny Shocker !!!